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The long goodbye

We are living in a pure chaos of stacked boxes, errands, goodbyes to friends … it’s frantic.  It’s happy, sad, heart-wrenching, exhausting.  I’ve been trying really hard to face the goodbyes head-on, and in the process, I realize what a rich life we’ve had here in Southern California for 12 years.  

Though this is overall a happy move, you can see that we are all stressed out in the silly, klutzy accidents that have been happening.  For example, just today I dropped my beloved camera and trashed it, I’m sure.  Stuff like that always happens when I’m running around, stressed.  I remember how I sprained my ankle moving out of my apartment the night before I graduated from college. 

I’ve been trying so hard to get around to everyone to say goodbye, but ultimately, I know I won’t be able to get to every single person on my list.  This is a very difficult realization for a perfectionist like me.  I want to hug everyone who’s touched my heart, let them know how much they mean to me, ask them to join Facebook if they haven’t, let them know what their friendship means.

Back in April, I fantasized that I could do it.  But I know today that I cannot. Dammit.

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The bizarro world of buying & selling on Craigslist

My husband and I decided to take our girls to Disneyland before we move to Philadelphia.  In spite of the economy, we decided to go ahead and splurge.  None of the amusement parks near Philadelphia is like Disneyland, and we have no idea when we’ll get to Florida, though we would love to get there to check out The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at some point after it opens in 2010.

But it’s a small fortune to take a family of four to Disneyland, and we don’t have any of our birthdays coming up in time so that one of us can go in for free in order to save at least a little money.

So, we decided that we would sell some things on Craigslist and that we’d put the proceeds toward our Disneyland trip.  We are also on the prowl for boxes and a couple of other things that we want to buy on Craigslist.

Easier said than done.  Craigslist is unpredictable, to say the least.

Here is a little list of my Craigslist lessons:

*Mostly, the e-mails I send for items I would like to buy go unanswered. Why do people put ads up and then not answer their e-mails?  I don’t get it.  Ditto for the e-mails I send in response to e-mails I get for the ads I’ve placed.  People express avid interest in an item, and then when I respond, then they can’t take a minute to say they’ve found something else or that they’ve lost interest?  I’m not sure what the lesson is, except to not count on anyone to get back to you.

*I placed an ad for these super heavy carved stone lamps I got from my step-father years ago when he first moved in with my mother.  There was a flurry of e-mails, and they all said they were very serious about the stone lamps, but I felt obliged to respond to them in a first come, first served fashion.  But every time I exchanged e-mails with the first woman who had responded, she said she was serious, but then she had more questions, like, “Are the lamps more yellow or more white?  The pictures you sent don’t really show the color too well.”  Suffice it to say, the lamps were yellowish white, and the pictures showed that just fine.  I did my best to answer all her questions, and finally I was able to set up a time for this woman to come all the way down from Ventura to see the stinking lamps.  In the meantime, I had to put two other serious buyers on hold, just because I wanted to stick to my original plan of first come, first served.  Well, to my amazement, the Ventura woman actually stood us up and never bothered to call to cancel her appointment with us.  My husband waited all afternoon for this lady.  Nevermind that we weren’t sure if she was OK, if she got lost on the way to our home, or what.  Finally, I just decided that she was a flake, and I called the next woman on my list. She came right over and was so excited to get the lamps because they went perfectly with her decor.  I had wanted to sell to this woman all along because she was so upbeat and charming in her e-mails, so I’m glad she got the lamps in the end.  My lesson was that next time I’ll go with my gut instead of worrying about first come, first served.  

* I wanted to replace a missing hubcap on my Matrix, and I found a scratched up one for $10 on Craigslist.  Perfect!  I figured that the others are scratched up, so they might as well have a scratched up friend to match.  So, I set up a time to meet the hubcap owner in her town, which was kind of far from mine.  Later in the day, she kindly contacted me to let me know that she had decided to spend the night with a friend in a town closer to mine and that I could pick up the hubcap there.  That was nice, I thought.  And so I headed out the next morning, as agreed, and knocked on her friend’s door at 9:30 a.m.  There was no answer.  I waited a couple of minutes and heard stirring inside the apartment.  A young woman stuck her head out the door, and it was clear I had woken her up.  I apologized and said that I had come for the hubcap.  From inside the apartment, I heard more stirring, and then a sleepy voice that said, “Oh, the Craigslist person.  Right, sorry.  Let me put on some pants.”  So I lingered outside of the apartment, trying to look casual, and then another young woman came out of the apartment in a t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops.  She was carrying some car keys.  I realized that she must have left the hubcap in her car.  As we walked to the car, we chatted, and I thanked her for bringing the hubcap to a town closer to mine.  She said it was no problem and then explained that she and her friend had gone to a birthday party the night before and that it had gotten a little wild.  Then I noticed that there was something red smeared on one of her feet.  I thought of the party and thought, Is that ketchup?  Had they been dancing in ketchup?  But what it really looked like was blood.  I was freaked out but determined to get the bargain hubcap, which I did.   And it looks perfect.  The Craigslist lesson?  Beats me.  Don’t dance in ketchup, I guess.

*Another hubcap story.  I was looking for hubcaps for my Corolla too.  I sent an e-mail to someone in South Pasadena because that is a town very near to my workplace.  Of all crazy things, the person who answered my e-mail was one of the teachers at my school!  This cracked both of us up, of course.  He brought the hubcaps to work, but they didn’t fit my car.  No lesson here, except that you never know who you’re gonna meet on Craigslist.

And that’s it for now.  Through Craigslist we have made a little money towards our Disneyland trip, and we’ve met a few nice people who have made our moving load a little lighter.

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See you on the flip side

We are moving across the country at the end of June.

When we were 30, my husband and I came out to California for an adventure. After 12 years, we’re heading back to Philly. We’re packing up the apartment we’ve lived in those 12 years, and then we’ll drive two cars and two cute twins and head back to where we left from.

I think my husband and I have always known we would move back East to raise our girls near family. As we were struggling with my cancer last year, I think the timetable just moved up. And it’s for the best, I think. My daughters are in Kindergarten, and it’s got to be better to make this move now rather than when they’re older and really rooted here.

We actually found a home to rent on my sister’s street, 150 footsteps from her house, to be exact. Cup-of-sugar borrowing distance. My girls will walk to the bus stop with their big cousin, my sweet nephew. It’s a great street where there are block parties and the kids all play together. I can teach my sis to knit, and maybe she can show me how to sew a skirt.

I have a new job at a terrific school, and there are some interesting opportunities opening up for my husband. We’ll be able to regularly visit lots of relatives and friends that we haven’t seen much over the last 12 years, including my 91-year-old grandfather and my mom. We’ll get to see my husband’s family, too, both in Philly and at the Jersey Shore. We’ll be able to spend time in the Catskills, too, and in our family’s cottage in Maine.

But, we’re leaving our amazing community in So. Cal. where:

-we have warm, lovely, thoughtful friends we’ve known for the years we’ve been here. These friends have clapped, cheered and prayed for us as we got married, had kids, made big career changes, fought cancer and then decided to return home. My girls call my women friends “Auntie,” and one of them, “Auntie Lisa” has been like an aunt to them. She listens to their secrets and understands them and has watched them grow up. Lisa supported me through my whole cancer journey, from freak-outs in her office when I was sure I was going to die, to hanging out with me during what I call the “blue meany” days of chemo. I have lots of other stories about things big and small that my California friends have done through the years, good times we’ve had.

-we have made brand new friends with two special families, just within the last few months. One is a family we met through my daughters’ Kindergarten friend and the mom and I bonded over Obama, knitting, Harry Potter and more; and the other is a family we met when the mom picked me up in a Trader Joe’s when she saw me there last spring, wearing a bandanna over my bald chemo head. With both of these families, we have all had fun hanging out together, and it’s crazy to think that we’ve found families where our kids are the same age and where we all have fun together, and now we’re moving.

-I have met some amazing, strong women who have fought breast cancer. These women have helped me through by sharing their intimate stories, by e-mailing, spending time together and much more. One of them is a special friend at work who was the first one who told me that I’d make it through to the other side. She leaves me cards during the hard days and made me care packages during my year of treatment.

-my father lives only about an hour away. I’ve had a complicated time with him in the last three years, but we’re finding our way to some peace again. And, I recently was able to reconnect with my step-brothers, too, so it’s hard to leave now because of that. And seriously, I am so grateful for Facebook, because I know I’ll be able to keep in touch with my step-brothers (and lots of other folks, too) that way.

-I fought breast cancer with the help of terrific doctors and nurses.

-we love our daughters’ school and our town.

-I have an interesting job and also journalism contacts. My husband’s career blossomed here, and he’ll be leaving all the people he’s met along the way, people who gave him opportunities, encouraged him and championed him.

-we’re leaving the sunshine and the broad, open light, palm trees and flowers year-round.

It’s a hard transition, bittersweet in so many ways. What gets me through is knowing that we’ll be closer to so many people we’ve missed for so long and that my daughters will grow up knowing these people, too, in addition to the wonderful people we’re leaving behind in California.

They say you can’t go home again. We’ll have to see about that.